I have blogged before (but not for quite some time) about the Digital Equipment/Stone Center project (the Stone Center for is now a part of Wellesley College’s Centers for Women)
which includes the Jean Baker-Miller Training Institute. It was from the experience of working (in 1991) with a remarkable set of women that I first understood the power of relationship. Certainly that work readied me for embracing the ideas of working in networks. Every Valentine’s day, an email reminds me of my connection to that work. This year, the email provided a set of relationship tips. While this list comes from a different sociological discipline (years of research in women’s psychology) it’s wonderful to see how apt they are to many of the “rules” and suggestions those of us who are network weavers (like Valdis Krebs, June Holley, and Jack Ricchuito) articulate.

• Think relationship - Move from the “me” and the “you” to the “we.”
• Honor the desire for good connection - Research shows that people need relationships like they need air, food, or water.
• Radiate respect - Respect is a gateway to healthy, hopeful connection.
• Emphasize empathy - Empathy is the “wireless connection” that creates an empathic bridge between others and ourselves.
• Listen with love - When we listen with love, we communicate how much the relationship matters to us.
• Be present - Being present and real in our relationship allows others to be more present and real in the relationship. Your presence can be the best present.
• Make it mutual - Healthy relationships are always moving toward mutuality—each person affecting the other and being affected by the other—which leads to actions that benefit both people.
• Build resilience - Resilience is not an individual attribute; resilience grows through engagement in mutually-encouraging relationships.
• Respond, repair, reconnect - When a “disconnect” occurs, see if re-connection is possible.
• Remember: relational pain means something needs to change in the relationship, the relationship needs to move in a new way.
• Laugh liberally - “We” who laugh, last.
• Grow together - Good relationships contribute to the growth of both (or all) people in them. They allow us to grow together even as we grow in different ways.
• Say yes to zest! - Relationships deserve our very best energy, and good relationships actually replenish our energy. Zest! Energy! Creativity!…all arise in a healthy relationship. These relationships provide the energy of our lives.

I have to give a nod to Rob Cross on the last item in this list: mapping the sources of energy in organizations is one of the sweet spots of his research.